I was determined to learn to love my “new body” so in June I started working out every day. I was burning 1,000 calories a day by walking on the treadmill for one and ½ hours a day. My left side of the neck, shoulder, and arm would ache but I just thought perhaps, I was overdoing it with my workouts. After a couple of months I went to see my primary physician, Dr. Spratford and he thought perhaps I had muscle tension. So I was given some medication and told to come back in four weeks. In four weeks I still ached on the left side so we decided to do an MRI on the neck which showed nothing was wrong. Then on September 19th I woke up not feeling well and called Dr. Spratford as I was suppose to get on a plane to fly to Florida. When he saw me and heard the congestion on my chest he recommended an x-ray be done. The X-Ray showed there was pneumonia and an infection in my left lungs. He then decided to request a CT to see what was causing the pneumonia and that is when they found the mass in my left lungs. My life was turned upside down again. I was immediately sent to the Hospital. A biopsy was done and sent to the Mayo Clinic for comparison to the biopsy that was done when I was originally diagnosed with Breast Cancer. According to Mayo, “the tumor in the lung showed poorly differentiated malignant spindle cells in a myxoid stroma, admixed with areas of hemorrhage and fibrosis.” I was officially diagnosed with Stage IV Cancer Metastatic Breast Cancer to the Lungs upon which I was told that there is no cure and would die from this cancer. I was told that perhaps, I would have one to two years depending on how I respond to chemotherapy.
As of January 31, 2007 I have seen seven oncologists with the hopes that one of them will tell me that they can cure me. Unfortunately, all of them agree that I have Stage IV Cancer and will die from this cancer. However, there are chemotherapy drugs that I can take to try to stop the tumors from growing. I started chemotherapy in October 2006 I did five cycles of Gemzar, Carboplatin, and Avastin and after two CT’s it shows that the tumors are still growing. So on February 5, 2007, Dr. Louie and I agreed to move forward with the next regimen and we will have another CT done in six weeks.
During all this time I grieve over the loss of time I will have most of all with Serena. After all, my friends and family will remember me but I know that Serena will not. So I am creating a memory chest for her and my hopes are that she will feel the incredible amount of LOVE that I have for her. I want her to know that her name fitted her well as she has been and will be the “SERENITY” of my life.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
I am so happy that you started this blog, Sabina. I wish Mark had chronicled his journey more, but that is another one of those life lessons learned too late. You are an inspiration, as is Michael. Give Serena a big kiss for us!
And on only one note do I disagree with you, 'Bina. And that is the idea that Serena won't remember you. She WILL remember you and she will remember your kisses, hugs, how your hair smells, your smile, how much you loved her, and how strong and courageous her Mommy is!
Brandey,
Thank you for sharing Jennifer Ireland's blog with me. I had been wanting to do a "blog" but was not sure if it was acceptable. It would have been nice to have "journeyed" more closely with Mark. And thank you for your kind words about Serena. I really wish I could believe she would remember me.
Hi Sabina,
I worked with your mother-in-law, Virginia, at Florida Hospital College and she sent the link to your blog to our office. We have been praying for you for months and will not stop because we know that God can work miracles for you. I am so inspired by your strength. God bless you and your family. And just know that your extended family in Florida is praying for you, too!
Sabina, I also wanted to mention to you that I believe Serena will remember you. My earliest memories are from my third birthday when my sister was born and my husband's earliest memories are from when he was two and a half. Virginia mentioned that Serena is a very intelligent little girl and while she may not remember you fully, I believe she will remember bits and pieces and of course the things that matter like how much you love her. But we're still praying for a miracle! We want you to be there for her for many, many years. God bless!
Sorry, 'Bina, but I still disagree. Some of my fondest memories of my own childhood happened when I was 2..all of them good memories and all of them involving my mom, specifically. You've become a permanent part of Serena's fondest memories, and there's nothing you can do about it..so there!! Love ya!!!
Thank you Katie and Brandey.
Hi Sabina,
I am so glad that you started this blog because I want to know how you are doing!!!
I love your comment about Serena's name, she has made this journey brighter and better because you have her....
The influence you have in her life will be evident by the wonderful little person that she is and the person she will become, it is all due to the love you show her and so many others....
You are an amazing woman, full of love and grace, God is with you and we are all praying for you....
Hang in there.....
Post a Comment