It All Began in 2004....

I was six months pregnant when one morning I decided to do a self-check on my breast and to my surprise I felt a small lump. I was concerned so at my next doctor’s appointment I told the Doctor I felt a lump. He was not too concerned but told me to keep an eye on it to see if it continued to grow. The lump continued to grow and it was getting larger and larger. I remember having dinner with some wonderful friends of mine and I shared with them the story about the lady who kept having irregular periods and how her pap smears kept coming back normal so after two years she went to another doctor and had another pap smear done and this time it reported she had ovarian cancer. It was too late and she died. I thought wouldn’t it be awful if it turns out to be cancer and I wasn’t persistent to get it checked and then it would be too late for me? They were insistent that I ask the Doctor be checked at the minimum to receive a piece of mind. So I did. I had an ultrasound and a mammography done and they both confirmed there was something in my breast. I thought this is a waste of time as all you had to do is touch my breast and you could tell there was something there. Finally, I was referred to have a biopsy but on the day of my appointment to see the surgeon I went into labor and my beautiful baby girl (Serena Mai Yancey) was born the following day, August 7, 2004. A few weeks later I had the biopsy done. I would hold my baby girl at night I would cry asking God that if I had cancer to spare my life and take my breast. I needed to be here for Serena. The Doctor called me to tell me the news but I missed his call. When I returned the call the Nurse informed me that the Doctor wanted me to have some further test done at the Hospital so I asked why and she just told me that the Doctor just needed more test. So I asked her to fax me the Doctor’s order and on it was the diagnosis: Breast Cancer. I remember not even crying. I was so shocked. My husband didn’t cry nor did I.
I obtained a copy of the biopsy report and even though I am not a physician I understood “carcinoma and complete excision recommended”. I went home and e-mailed my family and closest friends. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone on the phone. I was devastated and felt I could not be strong to talk to anyone. The following weeks were chaotic trying to deal with a newborn baby and dealing with being diagnosed with Stage 2B cancer. I saw two surgeons and they both had different recommendations and I was so confused. I didn’t know what to do. I remember one afternoon sitting at the park and holding Serena and crying and wondering would I be here for my baby. Was it too late? My cell phone rang and it was Kimberly. She asked/begged me to go to Northwestern and get a third opinion. So I did. I was able to get an appointment immediately and I was so impressed by the surgeon, Dr. Kevin Bethke who sat down with me and discussed my options that I decided that he would be my surgeon. We decided to proceed with four sessions of chemotherapy to see if we could reduce the tumor. The tumor was so large that the breast would have to be removed if the chemotherapy was not able to reduce it. I started the chemotherapy and continued working during the treatments. I really believe it helped to keep me focus and not to fall apart. I kept telling myself I am the one who supports my family financially. They need me to be strong. Sure there were days that I wanted to crawl into a hole and cry and not come out but I told myself I had too many people relying on me. Everyone at home and at work was very supportive. I couldn’t have done this without their support.


The day I cried the hardest was when I lost my hair. I cut my hair very short in October to help me deal with the imminent lose of my hair but I was ever so wrong when I thought that the day I would start losing my hair it would not be so painful. I was taking a bath when I noticed my hair started falling off. I cried so hard that I didn’t even realize I was crying that hard until I heard my husband run upstairs to the bathroom to see what was wrong. I couldn’t stop crying. I cried and cried and cried. Soon after my hair started to fall I decided to get a wig so two of my girlfriends (Marilyn and Maria) went with me to a special shop where they specialized on women losing hair. I bought a wig and I had them shave the rest of my hair off so that we could fit the wig. That day my girlfriends cried for me. I didn’t cry. Perhaps, it was because I shed my tears already for the loss of my hair. I wore the wig for a few weeks but every time I went to the bathroom I would look in the mirror and I would tell myself how ugly I look. One day I decided that I couldn’t continue wearing the wig and I took it off. I remember going to work almost in tears afraid on how people would respond. Everyone was GREAT. They told me how beautiful I looked. I remember walking into a meeting with all the CFOs and no one said anything, except for Randy, the Executive CFO. He walked in and saw me and he asked if he could rub my head and I told him yes, but that I would not make any of his dreams come true. We laughed and I thought to myself Thank You for taking this awful shame away from me (being bald can make you quite self-conscious).

Well, my four chemo treatments finished and the tumor was still too large so the decision was made to have a masectomy of the right breast. I also decided to have a left breast reduction at the same time. I’ve always wanted smaller breasts I just never thought it would occur by getting cancer. So on December 14, 2004 I checked into Northwestern University Hospital with my three best girlfriends (Kim, Marilyn, and Maria) and my husband. Having a masectomy is awful. I remember looking at my body and thinking how ugly I am. How can my husband still love me? I needed my husband and did not want to lose him but didn’t know how to deal with everything. Getting cancer impacts your life at home and at work. It can destroy your relationship with your spouse. It can tear you down physically and emotionally. My friends and family tried to be supportive and would try to be positive but they did not know the extreme of my pain. I had become a bad wife, a bad mother, a bad employee, a bad employer, a bad friend, etc. You lose confidence in everything.

2005 was an awful year for me and my family. I spent the beginning of the year completing the last four sessions of chemotherapy and then started six weeks of radiation therapy. I was trying to deal with the loss of my breast and the loss that I felt at home and at work. Then in March my brother in-law died due to complication of pneumonia. He was only 35 years old and finished his last treatment for testicular cancer. I grieved so hard for Mark. I had survivor guilt. After all, why did Mark have to die? We both dealt with our cancers as if we had long-term flu. We had planned to go to Europe to celebrate once we finished our treatments. We were both excited. I went into a deeper sadness and I didn’t want anyone to see it. I would go into counseling and all I could express was profound sadness in my life. In August my baby girl turned one and I grieved that I couldn’t remember everything a first time mother should remember. I had so many thoughts of chemotherapy, radiation therapy, Mark’s death, sadness and grieving. Then in September my father died and I grieved more and more. I postponed the breast reconstruction of my right breast until March 2006. I decided I could not handle any more pain. I needed time to heal. I spent the first three months of 2006 in anxiety. I knew I was having an elective procedure but it was like being traumatized all over again. I was afraid. What if something goes wrong? Could these be my last few days with my family and friends? I grieved more over the idea of not being able to be here for Serena and that she was too young to remember me. I grieved over the thought of not having the opportunity to hear Serena say “I LOVE YOU, Mommy.” The day arrived for my surgery and on March 20, 2006 I had the right breast reconstruction using the Tram Flap procedure. Amazingly enough I felt so calm. My father in-law and my husband went to the Hospital with me. I know now that I was so calm because of the many wonderful people in my life that were praying for me. Serena stayed home with my mother in-law. I knew she would be in good hands. I held Serena that morning for a few minutes and told her how much I loved her and told her she was the best thing that ever happened to me and if anything happened during my surgery I knew my husband would tell her how much I loved her.

Surgery went well and I stayed at the hospital for a few days and then I was released to go home to recover. I took time off from work to heal physically and emotionally. Several family members came to Chicago to take care of Michael, Serena, and I. Thank you all for your support. You have been so GREAT. I returned to work in May and was glad to resume life as normal. I was looking forward to accepting and loving my “new” body. I was also looking forward to becoming a stronger individual again. I had been given a second opportunity in life and I had plan to make 2006 a year to learn to love myself and renew my relationships with my family and friends but most importantly working on my relationship with my husband. He never left me and still loves me.